There was always a bad guy to wrestle with when you watched Bonanza. Hoss or Little Joe was most commonly involved, seems like in the later years Adam made only cameo appearances. In fact, Adam was hardly ever on the show after 1965. Anyway, can't tell you how much I loved cowboys when I was little. My grandmother bought us cowboy boots, cowboy shirts and cowboy hats whenever she could. Here's a pic (below) of my brother (left) and I (right) all dressed up in our outfits. When I was a little older, we got Hopalong Cassidy (another cowboy hero) watches and our TV interests expanded into "The Lone Ranger" and "Roy Rogers."
I wonder why I needed a cowboy hero? Why did I love to watch Ben Cartwright hand out advice to his sons and ultimately watch good would win out over bad? This image of the perfect father certainly doesn't exist today. The examples most of our kids watch on TV is Homer from the" Simpsons", the ultimate bumbling idiot. There is Al Bundy from "Married With Children" and the bad guy Tony Soprano.
My own dad wasn't a cowboy hero, but I still saw him as my hero. Just not the white-hat kind. I did love him and missed him when he was gone.
In 1959, he went to a remote missile base with the Air Force and was gone for a year. My mom was left with raising 2 boys by herself. I was three years old and quit eating. My mother put me in the hospital for a condition we call "failure to thrive" today, it includes pronounced protein malnutrition and weight loss due to dehydration.
For some reason I have retained memories of that hospitalization, the needles plunged into my legs with IV fluids and a dark room with a hard, cold table when they took X-rays. They were just about ready to start tube feedings when my behavior changed. Mom had drove to the hospital after picking up the mail. She had just collected a letter from my father. Back at that time, air mail was completely different in appearance. Actually, there wasn't much junk mail in those days. If you got letters, it was a happy occasion. These were letters from people. In retrospect, I came to know the letters from my dad at this tender age. It had light blue had a flag-type logo around the edge.
Anyway, when she opened the letter to read it to me I guess my eyes lit up. She remembers them bringing in some jello and I ate it. No vomiting. The letters made a difference. After about 3 weeks in the hospital, they let me go home.
Growing up you would think my dad and I had a fantastic relationship. But, we didn't. My dad was around physically, but not always mentally. In 1968-69 he went to Vietnam. When we got him back, he wasn't the same. Maybe I had changed too, I don't know. We grew apart and argued a great deal. He and mom didn't get along and ultimately they divorced after 22 years of marriage. When I went in the Air Force, he never came to visit. About 15 years ago he died in loneliness, after years of smoking and drinking.
Many of us live our lives longing for a father, the one we never knew. I have hurt feelings about my own dad, no doubt about it. But, I still try and remember those times when we were close. What amazes me though, is how could a letter from dad saved me from near certain death as a child. Why would that light blue airmail envelope have such a deep and lasting impact in my mind, even today?
Listen, maybe you are reading this thinking you had a great dad. Maybe you had a lousy dad. Maybe you were sexually, physically or emotionally abused by your father. If you were really blessed, maybe you have a Ben Cartwright father.
Why do we have this notion of God as a father? Your view of your father, without a doubt, influences your view of God. I didn't make that connection for many years, but it is true.
I guess the reason I am writing this is rather simple. You have a letter waiting. It doesn't matter how sick you are, even if you can't stand the idea of a loving God or even deny that he exists. A visitor has brought you a letter. If you are lying on a theological hospital bed wondering if there really is a father who loves you, at least open the envelope to find out if he is still there. These are love letters and the message is found in the bible. Hey, maybe you don't believe all the hype about "a bible" and think it is full of errors and misprinted information. It is OK, still check it out. You don't have to "buy" everything written there. Just start with God's letter to you. I recommend the book of John in the new testament. Also, check out Hebrews 12:9-10 if you had an abusive father. Let me know what you think.
